The other day I was listening to Yoncè’s song “Flawless”. It made me wonder if I really wake up feeling flawless or on the contrary, I wait until I have all my clothes and makeup on, in order to feel good and worthy. I am not saying that nice clothes and red lipstick are a bad thing (I run a personal style blog, don’t I?). What I want to underline is that it’s fine when you’re doing it for yourself, and wrong when you are doing it out of fear of rejection and based on low self esteem. How many times have you dressed up to please your/ a man, fearing that not doing it would have you all alone (and unhappy)? I for one have done it until I realized I no longer had a clear idea about who I was. It may sound cliché, but if you don’t love and accept yourself, the others won’t either.

I’m sure I’m not the only woman to have been taught “to shrink herself” , “not to be a sexual being in the way a boy is”, etc. I have also been contaminated with the “extraordinary syndrome”- something I will be writing about later on. All this made me hate my flaws and see flaws where there were none: I’m not tall enough, I’m not thin enough, my lips aren’t big enough, I am not enough. And these thoughts happened my mind so often that they became automatic, with me no longer aware of them, nor of the unpleasant sensation they were causing.

Until I started to observe myself and went backwards- starting from the sensation (why do I feel like shit?) and trying to identify the thought, so that I could eliminate it with an affirmation stating its opposite. I took a good look at myself and you know what? I love my “flaws” and I forgive myself for all my mistakes. Self hatred is probably the most dreadful monster a person could deal with. Looking reality straight in the face is empowering if not liberating. Instead of punishing myself, I choose to forgive myself and then do everything in my power to improve, to become stronger and better in all fields of life. And when I fail, I still love myself because (get ready) I don’t need any reason at all to love myself (and when I say “I”, I mean “you” as well)

It’s easier & more comfortable to lose and be a victim than to win (against your own demons I mean). Love for the self starts with saying your name in the mirror + a love/ appreciation /empowering affirmation. And it continues with solid proof of that love towards yourself. Remember, the more you love yourself, the more Life loves you. To everything you tell yourself, Life says “Yes”.

So let’s tell ourselves a whole bunch of beautiful loving things.



Original article:

Model: Raluca
Photo: Attilio Brancaccio
Styling: Liu Jo dress, a Zara blazer & sandals, vintage glasses & purse
Location: Villa Borghese, Rome.

About The Author


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